Ric Willmot, contributing author

Ric Willmot was our speaker at our most recent breakfast; he is our guest writer for the Business Excellence Blog.

The Human Condition: Communicating or just making noise?

My wife and I recently shared dinner with two wonderful friends at a newly found restaurant. Four hours of great friends, elegant food, fine wine and stimulating conversation. As we bid our friends farewell, my wife declared that she can always tell when I am interested in people, because I "listen to them." Apparently, I am less than discreet in my dismissiveness for those who cannot retain my intellectual attention.

What made this evening even more interesting for my wife was the dynamic of the relationship I share with Paul. We have a large range of topical issues about which we are diametrically opposed: politics, unionism, music, amongst others. And yet we conversed, debated and shared viewpoints that never led us to argue.

I always learn something by conversing with Paul. Either from him, because of him, or in justifying my position to him. If you want to increase your intellectual firepower; mix and associate with people who think differently to you, who are smarter than you, and who will challenge your beliefs and opinions. State your case, be controversial in your discussions, and then stand your ground, defending your position, with insightful remarks, not all-encompassing generalisations or favourite paradigms.

Apply reason, not ego. If someone says something to which you are opposed, don't immediately argue. Instead ask: "Why do you feel that way?" In understanding motive, you will have an advantage in rebutting the position. Never try to change the symptom, change the cause.

In the Sydney Qantas Club recently, a woman strikes up a conversation with those seated near her. In a stentorian voice, she manages to work into the conversation that her husband is a barrister; she is an executive with a telecommunications firm; her last vacation was in Geneva and her next is in Spain; her son is gifted and turned down attending a "Mensa school" in London; and assorted other titbits that established her in the Pantheon of Perfection.

Her behaviour also established her in the Pantheon of Pretension.

Some people speak to converse. But a few speak to be heard. She was of the latter species, her voice ringing through the club lounge, including when her phone rang and she conducted a bizarre conversation with her son, "angel dear." (By the way, I'm a member of Mensa - in disrepute, as you may suspect - and there is no such thing as a "Mensa school" in London or any place else. If there were, you would recognise it by the fact that the doors opened backwards.)

"Ego broadcasting," is the phenomenon of talking to advertise how good you are rather than truly attempting to engage in conversation and, is conducted by people who are vastly insecure. They aren't content in their own good fortune and circumstances unless you know how content they are. They are not successful in business unless you know how successful they are. They don't sing well unless you hear them sing.

In other words, they are basically incomplete without an appreciative audience. And they assume, indeed, the audience will be appreciative. How could it not be in the face of such perfection, talent, and accomplishment?

Ric Willmot, known as “The Consultant’s Consultant,” is dedicated to maximising profitability of businesses. You can subscribe to his free monthly e-zine, The Executive Wisdom Times at www.executivewisdom.com. Ric Willmot is also the Founder of the Society for Executive Wisdom www.executivewisdomsociety.com.